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You are so awesome! I always follow your videos and updates and love them all, not only are they funny, upbeat, but also true and full of caring! Thank you Adam! I am sure you help many many of us!
You are so very welcome 🙂
I have a bit of an odd case. I see characteristics of several of the 5 options. My SO and I went to high school together and I had a huge crush on him. We reconnected 10 years later and after about a month we both decided to date exclusively but he made the distinction that we were not boyfriend and girlfriend.
We are both entrepreneurs and single parents. We are both stressed beyond belief. One of my issues is there was a time where he used to call me his, ” meditation”. He brought me around his parents, his friends. I messed up on the friends piece because I drank too much but that was back in January.
it seems like in the beginning he came on intensely and does wear his heart on his sleeve.. In SOME aspects. We are both big on freedom. He has described the difference between feeling like he has to do something and doing the same thing because he wants to.
The energy and vibe of the, “whatever the hell it is” is different.
I’m not entirely sure it has anything to do with me. He has said that he appreciates authenticity and openness but I don’t know how to word my questions, or if I even have any. I feel something is off but I want to communicate that I am girlfriend material.
How can I get clarification on what he wants in life and where, if anywhere, I fit in it?
I really enjoy ur videos, I definitely I don’t to mess up in ny next relationship.
Hi Adam, all this information is great! But I feel like I still don’t know what to do with it? Like how do I speak to a guy what do I say and don’t say? It’s really hard being yourself while yes I may be going for the wrong guy I’ve given every type a chance and I still get left after a week or two I’d love to know what I’m doing wrong
Thank you so much Adam for helping and giving us a lot of guidelines for being successful in a relationship unto long last marriage. Keep up the good work in you. More power!
Thank you!!! You can do it 🙂
Great vid as usual! Currently, can’t tell if he is a maybe or a pilgrim, considering I’m crushing pretty hard and he has asked me about kids and marriage!
Thank you…you are the best coach I’ve seen on youtube land.
What if I can’t tell whice of those 5 my “guy” falls under?
It’s so damn frustrating that I am thinking of just giving up. ????
Wow – you look really hot in these videos!
Well, either I’m dating a Mr. Maybe or I’m the Mind Fucker! I’m hot and cold with this guy. When were together I REALLY love spending time with him and I’m excited to be there, but I keep finding out things about him that make me think he might not be a good choice and I start to distance myself.
He seems open to a relationship, but I’m not sure if I want to take him on. He has 2 kids and only lives here part time. It could totally work, but I’d have to move away from my family and be a step mom, and IDK if he wants more kids.
I’m so confused. But I’m continuing to date other people and hopefully I fall for someone else? lol.
Hi from Indonesia, Adam! I’m your new follower and so far I enjoyed all of your videos!!
I’m not quite sure which kind of guy that I’m dealing with now.. Between the Free Fighter kinda type or the Mr Maybe..
It’s so confusing with this guy… What should I do??
Where can I share my story about this guy to you? I really2 need your help on this one.
Thanks for the video. Actually I am dating no one. I guess the last guy I dated was the mind fucker..
Right now I enjoy to be single but would still love to settle down finally! Mr. Right just didn’t come along yet :/
Allllll of my friends are in a relationship, except me. It’s not that I want to be in a relationship because of that..it’s just I have like no one who goes out with me that I get a chance to meet someone!
Well, thanks for the video 🙂 they are reallyyy interesting.
Hi Adam-very spot on -great new series! Interestingly-I’ve dated them all-I went from a bad marriage to dating a mind f*ck and he really dragged me out for three years til he finally dumped me for a younger girl-learned my lesson-then went to a freedom fighter-and thankfully recognized it and politely let him go-and it felt good making that choice, cuz I wasn’t getting anything out of it-at least he was honest about it-I am really learning not to settle and stick to my power! Thanks again can’t wait to see what’s next!
I like the 5 arch-type that you outlined. You are correct, the Pilgrim can comes across a little clingy and obsessive. I felt uncomfortable in the presence of the Pilgrims that I have dated. There was only one man I dated who was the perfect balance of a Pilgrim, but we had core values that weren’t compatible which is why our relationship ended.
The last guy I dated was a a mix between the prisoner and maybe. It’s funny after I watched your video, it all became so clear… I dodged a bullet on that one for sure! Lol… Great advice as usual Adam!
Thanks so much for the videos. I maybe dating Mr. Maybe or the Mindfucker. I couldn’t tell just yet but will let you know…lol
Thanks Adam for this video, a mine of gold as always. I guess I dated all of this type of guys and maybe I am the mind f*cker type of gal, still not sure about the last one :/
Your videos are pure gold and I watch them as they come out a couple of times.
My last experience was we got a new guy at work who seemed very nice, easy to talk to. One day he started talking to me in the copy room. This was near Christmas. While I was copying we talked about Christmas plans and he mentioned he didn’t have anyone to feed his cats and I offered to do that. When the holiday was over he came by my house to pick up his house key and as we were talking he kissed me. Then we talked and kissed more and the chemistry was phenomenal. I was pretty taken aback when he said “maybe we could do an arrangement of convenience”. I clarified what he meant by that and told him I don’t have casual sex and why would we do that anyway since we don’t know each other.
Fast forward 3 months–I see him at an art show and then he starts texted me. Some of the texts are pretty explicit e.g too much too soon and too raw. He wants to talk to me, which I agree to and which turns into another mini make out session. Really outstanding chemistry and the guy seems so nice but his actions and texts are saying “total freedom fighter”.
He wanted to make an agreement that we would hang out and “express affection” for each other periodically. I was getting really mixed messages from the guy because while his texts were salacious he also was sensitive to me and complimentary and really didn’t seem like the player type.
I asked him over for dinner and he said no because of this schedule but that he would suggest something else. He didn’t. I asked him to go to my hometown with me on a weekend and he said his back was hurt. I said I wanted to revoke our agreement. He said lets talk about it but then didn’t call and went to his brothers for the weekend.
This transpired over a period of 10 days. I wish you could read the texts.
On the 10th day, a Sunday night, I wrote a text that said while we have this sexual energy, and you say you just want to play in the bedroom, I need both the physical interaction and the stuff in the bedroom. And that there are several guys that do want that kind of real connection with me. That isn’t true but I felt like it is such a temptation to be with him I had to close the door completely. I have to say this has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.
I don’t know if I made the assessment that he is a player too soon or not.
I had already been with someone like that and I just couldn’t do the pain of that again.
Then I found your videos and they have helped a lot,
Guy at work seems pretty subdued. I told him on the final text I want to have a good relationship with him as a coworker.
Mostly I just stay away from him since the chemistry is so strong that is my way of avoiding it.
Anyway, thanks for your videos. They are really helping.
Am currently with the prisoner. I have dated all these types, and have also been all these types.
NB Adam you are my favourite youtuber regarding the dating world. You are empathetic and educated towards both sexes, and your presentation style is concise and visually friendly. Keep up the good work 🙂
After watching your first video I started working on the W right away. I’m learning the piano, I started working out, down 8 pounds, and stopped wondering what’s wrong with me. The second video it hit home as to why I’m still single, not all guys can’t be winners. I can’t wait to see what videos you have next.
Hi! Thank you for making these videos. I’ve spent tons doing online dating over 5-6 years now with no success.
I’m currently dating a Pilgrim but need some direction. I met him through friends from work and he was also on match.com.
Pilgrim to a tee: 33yo same age as me, works in IT, virgin, never ever in a long term relationship, shy introverted. We’ve been on 2 group dates with friends and 2 individual ones. I’m on the fence with him b/c I’m not really attracted right now. But as you said that can change. Any advice? Thanks and God Bless!
I am so glad you defined the “pilgrim” man. I had a former class mate that I didnt really know in school. We are both 54 yrs old and have both ended long term relationships a yr ago. I was not “attracted” to him at first because I had a vision in my mind of what I was looking for. He is good looking, but not cocky, confident, a flirtatious like I am attracted to. BUT he was VERY much the gentleman, he didn’t give up on me and continued to ask me out.We went out at least 5-6 times before he even asked to hold my hand! That was so cute. then he only gave me a quick peck on the lips. after a few more dates, I told myself he needs to kiss me or I am going to ask for a kiss. I needed to know how he kissed. He made me dinner, we watched some TV and talked and then it happened… as I stood up to leave, he pulled me to him and kissed me so good! I was hooked right then! We have been together ever since. He says things to me that I never heard in my 34 yr marriage. He treats me like a princess. We are both Virgo’s and love doing things for eachother! so I agree that you don’t always “feel” something right at first. You may need to get to know them a while before the connection is made.
I was dating a guy I had known for some time that seemed to be a Mr Maybe – he said that he would not say no to a relationship but he seemed to be dropping hints at that he didn’t want anything serious right now. I said that was fine and I wanted to take things slow and see how things go. We saw each other a couple of times, I didn’t want to sleep with him until he worked out if he wanted a relationship. Then, a few days later, he turned into a total Freedom Fighter and dropped me like a hot potato. He told me he didn’t want a relationship now (something that he said he was open to at the beginning) because he wanted to work on his career which may have involved going overseas.
I was just so disappointed that he did not make this clear from the beginning. I suppose my biggest mistake was that I fell for him pretty hard when I found out he was interested in me, and then he goes and drops me like a poisonous snake and I was left dumbfounded and quite devastated.
In my 20s and 30s, I had low self-esteem, and seem to only attract mindf*ckers. I married the first guy I ever dated, which put me on a journey of learning about emotional abuse, his antisocial personality disorder, betrayal bonds, etc. I had to try to understand and heal from the childhood emotional abuse done to me by my family, which set me up for this type of toxic relating in adulthood. Like you, I have done my homework, and talked to a lot of people to learn from life. I want to thrive and be in a loving, healthy relationship. Unfortunately, I must still be “too nice”, because I have attracted a few more of these types since my divorce. The good news is, I didn’t sleep with them, and it took me only a few dates to see through the bull. The bad news is, I gave up hope, and dating. I haven’t dated for about 10 years.
Recently, I met “a prisoner”, who is in an unhappy marriage. I don’t know that he is going to make the effort to end the marriage, but he’s definitely looking around for some comfort or fun on the sly…and he got a little too interested in me, taking on the roll of mindf*cker. I am being rational, and avoiding him. I have to say, I am very surprised that my black heart syndrome completely melted when he first started coming on to me. Incredible chemistry. That’s when I decide to learn all I could about dating, to protect my heart from my hormones, and whatever old scripts are still trying to play out in my life. I really, really appreciated your videos. I am 46 years old. It’s time to be brave and find love for the first time, This is the only life I’ve got, and I don’t want to spend it hiding in my apartment, dwelling on the past, assuming the future holds the same amount of sorrow. You give me hope, and POWER. Thank you!
Just needed a good adviser
Hi Adam. Thanks for these videos! I found them a few days ago and just got this one in my email. I can’t figure out what my last boyfriend would fall into, but I do know my first boyfriend was a Mind Fucker. He wasn’t good at all. I just regret not figuring it out sooner. I think my last boyfriend was a freedom fighter, but still not sure. We dated for 9 months before we got engaged and then stayed engaged for about 3 years before he admitted to me he was scared and broke off everything. Well.. the guy I like now, and could be dating very soon, is awesome! Totally different than I have dated before. He’s definitely a Pilgrim, but is very good looking! Hopefully it turns into something for us eventually, but I’m not pushing anything because he has been married before and I want to tread lightly with that.
I recently broke up with someone who might have been either a Mr. Maybe or a Mind Fucker; I’m still not sure yet. I kept my heart and mind open to the possibility he was the first, but after almost a year we were still in casual relationship mode — no labels — and I knew I was starting to get in too deep emotionally because I was starting to want more and nothing had changed much on his end.
So … to protect myself, I broke it off. There’s a part of me that wishes I hadn’t, though, in case he really was a Mr. Maybe who just hadn’t come around yet. But how can a woman tell the difference between the two? During the breakup, when I called him out on some Mind Fucker like behaviors, he got upset — is that an indication either way?
I think I was dating a pilgrim. But he broke my heart! It has been 1 month. I have been begging him back and trying to get him to talk and explain why, but he is very short with me. I have been so depressed. He has been divorced for 15 years. He dated 2 women before me, but was very casual with them (A freedom fighter). He was head over heals about me, spent a lot of time with his family and his kids as well. Then broke up with me out of no where. Was completely shocked!!!! Having trouble eating, sleeping, and crying constantly. I appreciate all your help.
I’m currently in a relationship with Mr. maybe and I told him that I liked him really well and I didn’t want to lose him and he told me that he wasn’t ready to get married right now and that I was moving too fast .. So we are still together … and I would like to have a commitment at least to be exclusive ….I feel that were exclusive but we haven’t verbally said it ..what to do and how to get him exclusive ?
Hei Adam, your file has problems when I want to download. Just to let you know. Best
hey adam ,
i really your videos , the content you share is really helpful for the girls.
i need your help . i want to know that what should we reply to those mind fucking people when they text you miss you kind of texts .. like that.
I’m not sure what I’m dealing with because the guy that I have my situation with won’t tell me anything! It’s like when I bring up a relationship or asking where we may be taking things he gets annoyed. But he was quick to say he already told me at the beginning what he wants and that hasn’t changed. I have only seen him once this month, when before I started asking questions we would see each other every other day! But he talks to me all day long on the phone! I don’t understand.
I love these videos! I have no idea what I am dealing with. I am a very positive and committed person. The person I have been talking to is just sending mixed signals 100%. He is always talking about how he wants a relationship and how hes sad when hes with his buddies and they all have girls, but won’t make the commitment. He was in a long 8 year relationship and his significant other left him for another man at work. WE have both been through similar situations in the past few years and really connected when we first started talking we talked on the phone for 8 hours. He has kids and I have accepted all of it, but yet I am not getting a chance to show the girl that I could be. He texts me, we talk on the phone, he calls me beautiful, and we hang out every once in a while. So confusing!!!
Loved your advice on going for the Pilgrim! I always struggle with accepting that type of guy, that caring and loyal guy that actually wants a relationship which is what I am also looking for as well. Too many Freedom Fighters in NYC and sadly they are always who I go for and end up with!!
I was dating a freedom fighter mixed with a little bit of mind fucker and the prisoner and that ended this year in march.
But in the last two months I had been seeing a Pilgrim and a mister may be
I told the Pilgrim I am not the girl for him and his advances were too much
and I have been continuing seeing the Mister Maybe so I felt I need to try some dating coaching because I kind of had given up on all mind after the ex and was thinking all men were pigs and bad men. Gabriella
Thank you Adam for all this information that you give to us I believe I am dating the freedom fighter, we’ve been dating for seven years and he still says that he wants to be single I see him maybe once a week sometimes only a couple times a month.
Haha. Love this video and the way you, Adam, box and categorise these deferent styles of behaviours both in man and woman. That’s so true that nobody is really a bad guy or girl. We all at deferent stages and different circumstances go through one of these behaviour patterns. Myself including big time! And sometimes even applying one style with one person and another with different and all at the same period of time. But what really was enlightening for me personally from your video is that you so beautifully gave names for those different behaviours and explained them for us. As its so easy to be trapped in the illusion and see the things for what we want them to be instead of what they truly are. Your energetic and well presented messige definitely helped to put things in perspective and see much more clearly. Thank you, Adam, so much for that.
Myself for the last 3 years I have been in the relationship with prisoner. I finally managed to escape and finish it. He is still chasing me thought but this time I am rock solid to finish it. Meanwhile (as I am no better myself) for almost a year now I have allowed a mind fucker to “f…k” my mind, my soul and being too week to stop it… Since it feels so good… Have met few Pilgrim but as you rightly so said they haven’t cought my interest… My question is how do you deal with mind fuckers? They are so good to capture your mind and soul… I know you said to avoid them but the problem is that ones you recognise them for who they really are its too late as your mind and soul has been f…ked already… Dear Adam, give some delicious advice on this one, please!xxx
all i know is he has been flirting with me for a while and ive finally realized.. im just hesitate because he has kids from a prevoius relationship. also im afraid of coming on too strong. i believe he is a mr maybe.
Great videos! Currently I am dating a maybe kinda guy. I met this guy online and he has a great personality, as well as he is a lot of fun. However he doesn’t seem to commit. I have not given him the complete boot and have been open to dating other guys in the meantime.
Thanks Adam! Love all your wisdom and advice but it sure is hard to hear! I am definately learning, painfully and slowly but I guess that’s life huh? I was a teenage mom, spent my whole life terrified of men as I was abandoned by his father. But now 20 yrs later I’m putting myself out there, ready to love!! I still Don’t trust men at all and push them away before they have a chance! I fear I am doomed and none of them will stick with me. Going thru couseling and Your videos are helping alot! Again…..GOD bless ya!
I am seeing a divorcing man. I think he was a maybe guy, then later changed into casual thing that has turned into freedom fighter. ……clearly said not wanting a serious relationship. The only reason I tolerate his hot and cold moments is because we have a history, met at 17, reunited 25 years. I have fallen for him again in my life. I am working on my personal goals while trying to be patient as his divorce nears trial in December. Have any videos for dealing with a divorcing/divorced man? My friends say give it up,….but easier said than done. I do enjoy and learn tips from your videos that I try to apply. Thanks!
Hi Adam thanks for all your help I have learned lots from you , I was going out with someone but after 6year he deiced to end with me. ☺ But Im gd now I have my family and friends.. Jo mascoll☺☺
Hi Adam, thanks for the insight and another great video!! This is such valuable information and it is so hard to decipher where guys are at since in the beginning they wear masks and are in the “marketing phase” of the relationship and always putting their best foot forward. The guy I really like is either a Maybe or a Mind Fucker. He “says” he is a romantic and is interested in possibly having a relationship, yet I feel in my heart that he is possibly a bit of a player who likes the comfort of keeping me and possibly others hanging around to make him feel good. I don’t know…I don’t have any proof and it’s just a feeling I get. I know he is 39 and has been divorced and single now for about 6 years and has been in the online dating arena on and off during that time. Furthermore, he admitted to me the other day that he watches porn…I don’t know how to take this one…do I admonish him for being honest or do I run the other way from a guy who’s willing to admit to me after just a couple of months that he does this. I really like him and am drawn to him, but I just don’t know if maybe my picker is off here!!
I have a question regarding this video.
You said one type of guy is called “prisoner”. And the way to deal with a “prisoner” is to have an open dialogue with them to allow them to get out of the “prison” to look for other girls openly – after that observe if they change their behaviors.
At the same time, you said that it’s ok to date multiple guys at once as a girl and let exclusivity happen only after an open dialogue of declaring exclusivity/relationship happens.
So I’m a bit confused. If me as a girl is dating multiple guys at once before an open dialogue on exclusivity, and this guy finds out, would he consider me as a “freedom fighter” who is still flirting with other guys in night clubs trying to reach out, or a “prisoner” to him and when he has an open dialogue with him would he want to push for a “relationship” talk to demand exclusivity while declaring a relationship or would he simple talk to me and allow me to just get out and look for what I want, or simply avoid me seeing me as a freedom fighter or even a “mind fucker” as when I have nice dates with him I am always still seeing other guys?
If I tell a guy that look we have been seeing each other for a while I would like to let you know that I have always been dating other guys while dating you but would you like to have a relationship talk so I can move to be exclusive assuming we move to be in a relationship or I keep dating multiple while dating you – is it more likely he labels me as a mind fucker/freedom fighter immediately and act accordingly or the other way around?
Thanks in advance!
Hey Adam, thanks so much for giving me an eye opener from these two videos so sar. I truly have to say that so far out of the 5 guys I’ve dated those 3 that we should avoid, reject, and open dialogue. My last was the Mind F**ker, he came in so strong in just a week, talked about how I’m such an amazing person he loves my personality, he wanted to make plans to meet his family once things got serious, he could see me being someone he could spend the rest of his life with and the one to bring home and have the approval. Well , I didn’t give myself the amount of self worth that I should have to make him earn it and I gave it up to soon not thinking. Well he decided to go ghost numerous of times and i just accepted his reasons and didn’t mind all that much because I was busy too. Thou, I just kept thinking to myself don’t judge or nag just go with the flow and let him figure his shit out. Well a week ago I find out he has someone new. So clearly I’m glad it’s history !!
I just watched your second video and I’ve been dating a guy on and off for two years I am clearly in love with him we do so much together but he’s not a Camitter and every time I do pull away and it’s usually me pulling away he comes back strong gives me just enough or says all the things I want to hear and then retreats once I come back it’s hard for me to leave obviously because I’m in love with him I see a future with him and again we spend a lot of time together his problem he says is because he’s 36 years old and never been married he’s not sure whether he wants a family or not I’m 40 and have three kids of my own and can’t have anymore sometimes he’s on board and says he’s good he doesn’t want kids he knows he wants to be with me other times he jumps back into wanting possibly a relationship with somebody that he can have a family with he falls into a couple of your categories and I probably should be avoiding him but hoping from the rest of your program I can learn how to possibly Win him.
Thanks Adam, I love your videos. I believe that I’m a very genuine and honest person. I don’t want to manipulate someone to be in a relationship. Right off the bat it was something that you mentioned you don’t take part in. Awesome!
I’m starting off slowly, working on your blueprint. I’m 49 years old I’ve been in a marriage that ended in divorce. And I seem to find myself in one failed relationship after another. I’m looking forward to Breaking this Vicious Cycle in my life.
Mary J. Brown
Hi Adam; I truly appreciate your wisdom and videos and I hope to be able to buy them in the future. a bit of feedback on your presentation. It seems when you smack your hands or fists one hand upon the other so loud is become distracting and annoying. I don’t know why it makes me cringe. However, having said that many of the things you have said really go into my heart. I am presently doing some inner work and recognize my part in my failures. But it does feel good to know that there are “labels” for the type of men i go for. I love and appreciate your street smarts and wish my happiness and joy in your hopefully committed, loyal relationship.
My ex- falls into the 3 categories of the reject and avoid. And I will take my half of the responsibility for my own failure. The biggest one, no truly standing by my own self worth
Not sure which category guy im seeing falls in he makes it sound like may possibly be a future always there when i need him but claims until his divorce is done he cant commit not sure if its an excuse or real always answers texts etc should i give him time or move on ? At first was sure was freedom fighter then seemed to be a maybe but could be something different
So I’ve been seeing this guy for around 4 months usually just hang out on the weekends one or two nights over the weekend other than that there’s not a whole lot of talking or doing anything together during the week he’s been single for about 6 years he has kids I’m confused sounds like he might be in the Maybe category like for example last night he was DJing at a bar I went I was on it the Dance Floor dancing he came then went to the bar and back 3 times you didn’t say two words to me so I just left I didn’t say anything to him I just left and I feel really bad about that but so he text me about a half an hour after I left and asked me if I left already is really confusing to me because he didn’t notice me when I was there but noticed when I was gone I’m really confused any advice
if he was a Mr.Maybe, does he let everyone know you are the girfriend or that would be too much of a title to give you?
Billie Jean Fischer
I was with him 11 years we lived together. He got in trouble drinking and caused us to fight and he moved home with his mother. He text’s me and tells me he loves me. Calls and tells me he loves me. ???? Im about forever and he knows this. I don’t know if he is threatened by I own my own house and am doind okay and he has nothing. Or if he don’t want to change and stop the drinking everday.? Im a social drinker he not. I would say he falls in the categories of the first two men you described. I truly just need to know were we stand. So I have listened to you, so I should just be straight forward and ask him is there anything left for our relationship if I wait the year and a half for him to get off house arrest ??? Please answer this one question. Should I ask straight out or not. ?? Thank you I have been listening to alot of people talking but I feel I have faith in you.. Please answer this one question. .. Thanks and God Bless… Im to old to be lost…and hurt….!!
hi adam I love your videos but in my country dating isn’t like in the usa so I want to know if you can help me please
I’ve really enjoyed your videos. I’m speaking about one specific guy here, and he seems to be a little bit “Mind Fucker”, “Prisoner”, and “Mr. Maybe”. If I didn’t already know that he takes a long time to make decisions (seriously, he took 3 weeks to decide to buy a specific space heater!!), I would have totally put him in the “Mind Fucker” category! We’ve discussed being exclusive and he said he’s only dating me, but he’s not ready to say I’m the one. His definition of being exclusive is sending out wedding invitations, too, just so you know. I do know that he chats with other women, also. Do I just wrap this up and say he’s a “Mind Fucker” and move on? Or do I ride it out and see what happens in another month – it’s been 4 already!!
Totally the prisoner. Urg. I absolutely hate his silent treatment….fucker
The Mind F*cker….Grrr…oh that was fun…exclusive until he became distant, then needed a “break” from the relationship and even said he wouldn’t date anyone else during the “break”…only to find out he really did start seeing someone…he came on strong in the beginning and I was hesitant…7 months later the “break” happened…end of story…If he wanted to break up…he should’ve just said so and not been a coward!!
Think I’m on the right path now…met a Mr. Maybe and a Pilgrim…time will only tell…but until then I’m in search of Mr. Right….
Why is dating over 40 so difficult??? Ugh! I thought this was suppose to be easier as we get older? The guy I stepped back from is a MIND FUCKER. REALLY??!! We are both 44. When does it stop? I put my foot down with him. He still text me telling me how he is praying for me, thinking of me….blah…blah…BLAH! We are both in law enforcement. I ignore him. He does not stop. We are so attracted to eachother, very compatible, have a great time together. I am not willing to “casually ” date him anymore. I want more and he knows it but does not want the title.
I am 22 years old and in love with my post high school sweetheart. We met when I was a senior in high school and there was an instant spark. He used to show signs of being a Shortly after we had an incredible connection, he got stationed out the country. Most of our relationship has been long distance, yet I’m proud to say we’ve developed a close form of intimacy beyond something physical. We’ve known eachother for 3 years and have been going steady for 2. We became sexually involved like after a year and a half. Lately he keeps talking about children and a future. I’ve met his friends and his family. I wanna believe he is serious but his set timeline isn’t matched up with what he’s telling me. “You really are what I dreamed my wife would be like… I can’t wait to wake up to and sleep next to the love of my life”. He also keeps asking me about my future and when I will graduate. I’m embarrassed to say this but my boyfriend has proposed to me unofficially (without a ring) just to back out later. Since then, I can’t help but be vigilant whenever he brings up marriage and kids. Adam, am I in love with the wrong man for me? What should I do?
I am seeing a “Mr. Maybe.” We talk & we text everyday but I’m sure he’s a little scared. He hasn’t been with anyone in 2 years. We have yet to be intimate with each other. I am however as you advised seeing other people. I don’t know if he’s doing the same. i don’t know whether to have the “talk” with him or not. He’s the only one I want to be with. I think he feels the same. We get along great. He compliments me and treats me well. But I can feel a bit of a wall between us. How should I proceed with this?
Dated the mind fucker for years and never trusted him and wasted a lot of good years.
It almost runied my self esteem and confidence but I refuse to let it. I realized his words did nit define me . I am a good catch and a very lioyal loving woman but I am scared to get back out there. His words and actions still can haunt me and I want to take the time to heal and attract the right man. So far loving your videos!
I think I’ve met the Mind F*cker! He is really coming on strong, and it has only been a couple of days. He has a history of being committed, though, so I’m sort of thrown for a loop. But I will definitely proceed with caution and be ready to avoid him if I notice the back and forth approach to the relationship that you mentioned.
Adam I think you’re saving my ducking life! haha… Honestly though after being with the same dude since I was 22, I think I was like a lamb being lead to slaughter to 1) a serious mindfucker and then 2) a real freedom fighter. Now I’m not sure I want to commit to anyone again! 😳
Mine is definitely, Mr. Maybe. We met online and talked via email for 2 months before meeting. We have gone on 6 dates. We only see each other 1 day on the Weekends either a Friday or a Saturday and we talk until super late 4am and last date just stayed over but no sex. He said he wanted something that would last so he wants to take his time. I’m respecting this but then we have not had the “exclusive” talk. I see him online 1 time per day. So, I go on 1 time per day in the case he can see when I log in. This is a guy that will not express much of his feelings except that he had a nice time on a date and sometimes that he is looking forward to the next one. He has talked about what he wants for a future and that he does want to be committed and remarried but to the right person. He expresses that he wants to be with someone with no drama. On our last date, he finally started talking about a future things involving us together as far as things he wanted to do like join me on a trip I’m taking in July. He would not say this 1-2 weeks ago. That said, when we are together, we have a lot to talk about but it still feels akward around him. I brought this up to him and he said it’s because we haven’t been around each other much. He then proposed we see each other one additional day during the week. (that was 2 weeks ago) But each time we have an opportunity to add that “extra” day, he avoids it. I don’t say anything because I don’t want to look needy. I have been super patient, I don’t call him, I barely text him. He calls me most evenings and we have good talks. I let him lead. He always asks me for a date by Wednesday. That said, he is not very expressive and I can’t gauge him at all. It feels like he has me at arms length or something. I don’t see much emotion. I just hate to see that he goes back on line. We have so much of the important things in common that we both find important. He says that often. I told him, that if this isn’t what he wanted or if he needs something else, to just let me know and be honest with me because I didn’t want to waste anytime. I told him we both deserve to find someone that is the right fit. That is when he proposed spending the extra day together but it hasn’t happened. We still don’t feel totally comfortable around each other but there is definitely a lot of attraction on top of having some really great conversations about deep and personal things that we have both shared. I then wonder about the going too fast thing if I should just say I am unavailable this up coming weekend to slow things down even more on my part…. to see if that does anything or if I should just wait this out a little longer and be patient. This is a tough one.
My guy is a cross between Mr Maybe and the Pilgrim. He loves me for my mind, my talents and all the other stuff that women want men to fall in love with. He’s AMAZING! He’s also a workaholic who has a tendency to neglect himself as well as me. I don’t take it personally, but I need to know how to talk to him about overworking. He buys me lots of gifts, but I want HIM. I want his time, not his wallet. How do I reach him?
This video was awesome! My last bf was the Mind Fucker. We were in a relationship and he was talking about marriage, kids, buying a house. The way I found out that he was also seeing his ex was that he thought he was texting her, but he was actually texting me. Not sure how I would have been able to anticipate this.
One down I guess:)
Thank you you’re real simply awesome… Trust you yes!! Thank you for being so truthful I appreciate it. Loved your advise time for me to move on!!! Talking to a guy for 7 long months & thanks to your advise to eliminate the 3 I’m taking action. Help !! Do I say something or just do not answer anymore. Never being intimate with him.
Thank you so much for your videos! They explain so much! You’re truly awesome for helping us out! Currently I don’t really know what type of guy, my so called friend fits in. You see we dated a while back and we were great, he could have been at that time a Mr. Maybe. But things went sour when he started backing off because he said I was talking to much about my ex. He had an ex too, the mother of his kids and he would talk so much about her that I felt he opened the door for me in that area. Guess we were both wrong. He went away for about 5 months. Now, he changed his dating profile to “I don’t want anything serious or committed relationship.” We started going out again but he made sure I knew he wants nothing serious. I agreed but he got me to work with him (coworkers now) and we hadn’t hooked up because again he started backing off. I let him have his space but then he came back and we hooked up again (late night at work). Now, I heard that he’s going out as friends with an ex-gf and his baby mama. I confronted and told him no more casual anything. He agreed, but how I do avoid him and can’t stop feeling guilty about him changing to a freedom fighter because of me! Bad part is that I like him a lot, but I don’t want to be casual. Too old for that shit! Lol. How can I handle this type of situation?
Thank you,thank you for your great advice!!! I just fired a guy because I realized that his a freedom fighter, no wonder why he wanted to together with me during the week… because the weekends for him are for his friends and perhaps to meet new girls. F*&%$# that, I love myself so very much to be taken for granted, there are hundreds of guys out there that they would love to be with me….! must admit that it takes courage to set boundaries and especially when they choose to party over us, but at the end of the day it feels so F*&^%$#@ good the fact that i didn’t put with his S@#^&.
Thanks again for your time to make this helpful videos!!!!!!!
Adam, thank you for this incredible work you are doing and motivating women to make an appropriate choice in their love lives!
Actually this is my first time to have an American boyfriend, now I understand what type he is among those 5))) so, I’ll try to use another approach to build harmonious relationship~
Thank you,Adam !
I was in an on again, off again relationship with the Prisoner. He didn’t work due to disabilities, so he had a lot of free time and no definite schedule. He spent a lot of time with his friends, including his best friend, who was 21 (less than half his age). He hung out at his friends house and out on the town. Sometimes he was out when I was asleep for work, and I felt left out that i couldn’t be there. He went to the burlesque bar alot, cheered over the acts, and said he wanted to join the dancing troupe. He hung out with other girls, some of them ex’s. Girls texted him, including girls he met while he was out. Yet he insisted that all of these were just friends and he was faithful to me, and I believe him. I think he just liked the attention, validation, and social life. He needed excitement in his life. He despised a normal and boring life. I drew the line one day when he invited 2 of his buddies to an event we were going to withoutout telling me he had invited them. His car broke down and he wanted me to pick them all up and drive them to the event. I said no. After that he broke up with me. I’ve been away from him for over a month and I’m still majorly broken hearted over him.
I’ve been dating this Mr.Maybe and 15 years younger than i.we met in a website,chatting for like 3 days,he asked for a date ,i agree..was nervous.he is gentleman,we went to dinner,then watch movie,he visited me in my place 4 x now..after that,we still communicate,texting,video calls ..it’s like a casual relationship.
I am not sure,when he gonna commit..he said one day at a time..I really like this guy.i feel like i’m at his age.i am inspired to move on,because of him..i don’t know what it’s like ..maybe.do you think,he likes me too?because everytime,i texted him,i want to talk to him he answered ok,are you mad at me?does it mean that he was worried if im angry at him?he is worried that i going to leave him?
I realky appreciate,if you can answer my question.
I am thinking of going for a date with other man,who’s interested in me.
Thanks Adam fo the wonderful video i learned so much from it.
Thanks for the videos, this guy went from a maybe to a mind *uker. Plus it’s a long distance relationship, it’s coming to an end and I’m sad. 2 years wasted. I’m 36 now and he’s 40. I don’t know what to do.
I was dating The Prisoner. Thought we had a great relationship but then he started being pretty sketchy. Sure enough, my best friend found him on the plenty of fish dating site. I did what you suggested and confronted him and asked him about it openly, and he told me it was an old account and he ended up deleting it. Not more than 4 months later, my best friend found him on the site a second time with a different profile this time. I then confronted him again and he gave me an excuse that it was his brother using his information, but the story he was giving me didn’t add up. I then ended the relationship knowing that even if I got him to delete the profile a second time, it wouldn’t be long until he was on there “fishing” again. Even though he said he wanted a committed relationship, his actions didn’t match up.
I have been seeing a guy whom I thought he was a clear freedom fighter, but what you said made me realise that he is just a misunderstood mr. maybe. I am so incredibly glad I found you Adam, please continue to inspire and educate.
Awesome video!! You are really helping me date with POWER 😉. I have also been trying to figure our how to navigate rhe Mr Maybe I am with and your advice is great!!
I wish I had seen this video before my last relationship, because I encountered the “mind f*cker” and he left me feeling stupid and hurt. I am currently talking to someone else, but I’m not sure who he is right now…he might be a “Mr. Maybe” he is sweet, but after a day with a lot of communication, his communication dropped about 60%. Although I understand he might have been busy at work, but the day before he took a potty break and messaged me, but thus day, nothing. He might be “the prisoner” type…just not sure yet. He has texted me this morning, but I haven’t asneered back just yet. I’m keeping myself open at this point and casually talking to someone else that we have a good connection, but lacking in the physical attraction…he is not as attractive as my Mr. Maybe….sigh…I’ll keep watching and hopefully I will learn what I need to have success.
This series of videos have help me so much.. Thank you sooo much
I was definitely with the mind …F’er. Heheh.
The short story is that I thought he wanted exactly what I wanted in a relationship. It turned out that I was dead wrong, and had I not reached out to him, he probably would have ghosted me. What’s worse is that we met at work. When we did break up, it felt as if he hated me and wanted nothing to do with me.
This happened just recently, so I still feel the sting, but I want nothing to do with him if he’s acting like the mind f’er. Thanks for alerting us to these kinds of people! Can’t wait to see the next video!
Thanks for the great video! So full of information and opened my eyes!
I was with both the mind fucker and one looking to always have an out until I was gone…
After 10 years helping him build his house we were to live in and the empty stringed prmise of a ring… i left. We made time for each other until I moved in, then it was like yeah shes home no biggie.. but come to find out he was online late flirting and looking behind my back even though he owns his own budiness and office is next yo the house. And all I heard was , “well baby its you I see when I see that really maybe we could try that sometime”. Trying to make it ok for them justifying, steer clear!!!
Well, that’s pretty clear. I’m madly in love with ‘Maybe’. I wish I saw the first video before I fell…protect my heart, not sure if i can at this point. He came on pretty strong on a dating website. We live on opposite sides of the country but I’m totally willing to go there if he would want me. We saw each other a few times, few weekends, got mixed messages on how i interpreted his feelings for me. sex was amazing, but no compliments, gifts, etc. Not sure if that is just how he is. Then went a bit lukewarm, but i leaned back and he came back and thought things were going forward. then after not seeing him on dating website for a while, he jumped back on. devastating. I wish I could take something to remove all my hormones and neurons and make myself stop thinking about him. We are different but we have a lot in common and i think we’d make a great match – same values and lots of background commonalities. He invited me to see him but i’m worried he’ll find someone else first – now I think i’m an amazing catch and have total self worth, but scared that he’s still on the hunt. They say if a guy really likes you you’ll know immediately and they will show it. I think sometimes he just gives me enough, not sure. My gut says I think he likes me but he doesn’t know how to show it, but now that he’s on dating website, i’m thinking perhaps he really doesn’t like me. What do I do to go from casual to committed – I don’t even care if we’re casual, as long as i know how he feels for me. It’s been about 6 months now and i’m not sure what to do. kinda lost.
going to boston this week wed – thurs – can’t wait!
Thanks again Adam! I had fun watching your video. Im not sure if he is a mr.maybe or a pilgrim… he seems to be both! 😂
Currently he’s on the fence about us…he brought up the future and I followed along (because I hadn’t watched you before lol) anyway, not sure what to do now….
The guy I really like is a mix between a The Freedom Fighter and The Mind Fucker. He’s about 8 months out of a relationship that wasn’t the best. In the beginning, he was for a relationship, but now I’m getting the I don’t want a relationship. However, his actions aren’t always aligned with that sentiment. I know he’s talking/seeing other women, which is his right because he’s single. My problem is, I REALLY like him and see myself with him. Also, I am the put my eggs in one basket type of girl. I am not talking or seeing anyone because I’m so “focused” on him. I need help!
So I am dating a recently divorced man I met on a popular dating website. His profile stated that he is looking for a relationship but interested in “dating.” His profile also said he needed a honest, loyal woman with no drama. He contacted me first and we exchanged cell numbers and began talking and texting. He owns a restaurant and offered to cook for me on our first date. Now i know that you meet in a public place for safety reasons. However, he sent me a picture of his drivers license and had me google his establishment and home address. So I went to meet him at his home on our first date. We had an immediate and instant connection to one another from the moment we met. The food he made was delicious. We not only were physically attracted to one another. We talked a long time. about our likes and dislikes, his children, and our families. What we had in common. He not only stimulated my body but my mind as well. Thats’s what was missing in my past relationships. He was handsome of course, well educated, successful, fun, sexy, sweet, adored both his children, was a great father, as well family oriented. He genuinely took the time to listen to me? He shared his feeling. We talked at length and both found we had many similarities and things in common. Not only were we children hurt by divorce due to a parents infidelity. But we also wanted the same things out of life. Positivity. No drama. A loving, kind and caring partner. Honesty and loyalty from them. Hopes, dreams and aspirations.for the future. The need to feel loved, wanted and desired by our partner. Our likes and dislikes. He really wanted to get to know the real me.Which I never received from other men on the first few dates. We both opened up about our past relationship, and how disappointed and hurt we were. He began to talk about his recent divorce and how he discovers his wife had betrayed his trust by lying and cheated on him with their handyman. He explained she was using their sons iPad to message and contact this person. He found all of the conversations they had had. The countless phone calls and text because they were backed up to the iCloud on the iPad that his 9 year old son owned. He had no idea of the person she had become after sending her to nursing school. She was having 3 and 4 somes behind his back as well. He was deeply angered and hurt. He also explain and hinted later that the only reason he married her was due to the fact she was pregnant with their son and told her parents that they would get married so they wouldn’t disown her. He also stated that he was never really sexually attracted to her. She was too manly, but chased him around for so long he finally gave in. Now she’s a lesbian and in a relationship. He has not spoke or seen her in the past two years. His nanny takes the children for their visits with her. He signed his divorce papers 3 or 4 weeks ago. As soon as we started texting he referred to me as babe and love. He was caring and attentive, loving without being overbearing, demanding or too needy. I run from men like that. I cherish my individual freedom and personal space. Unfortunately we did end up sleeping together that night. While most experts like you would agree getting sexually intimate too fast and/or too soon could lead to the strongest potential to ruin all chances for a loving,monogamous and exclusive relationship. His actions, behavior, attention, words and feelings seem to have been strengthened by being intimate that first night. He is even more loving and attentive. We have told each other our deepest secrets and desires. We trust each other on a whole new level and we are even more deeply connected for some unknown reason. I have never experienced these deep feelings for any man I was with before he came into my life. He stil keeps his promises. Calls me
when is kids aren’t around (we both agreed that their divorce was already traumatizing enough
and it isn’t the right time for us to meet yet). or he still will text me every morning, before I work, before he goes to work, throughout the day and night we keep each other posted on the daily hound on. He says good night and still calls me babe and love. The problem is I feel I have finally found “the one.” and have fallen for this man. On our second date without hesitation he openly said he was looking for a relationship and I replied I wanted the same thing too. However, in bed the other night I asked how would feel if I hid my profile online to keep from being contacted by other men His response was “it’s okay, but the site is still good for making friends as long as they know their boundaries.” I have caught him online 3 times now without him knowing or confronting him. The site says so on your profile if you are logged in. This usually happens while he’s working at night. I’m definitely not stalking him. I just happened to check my messages at the very same time. Now you see my problem. I am not dumb and know he is clearly sending me mixed signals on how he feels about me. My first fear is that I am just a stop over on the way to his next relationship whether it be short or long term. Or, icould it be he feels the same way I do and is just so scared of getting hurt and betrayed again? The latter he has mentioned during our conversations. Why would a man waste his time, energy, caring and affection on a woman that clearly wants the same thing? A loving, honest, committed and loyal relationship. Why does he feel the need or want to make new female “friends?” Is there anyway to fix this? And if so how? Is he that damaged and unaware of his self worth? That he deserves he bast in life. To be loved and happy? I don’t suffer from low self esteem, lack of self worth or confidence. I am quite capable of spending quality time with myself. And relish my independence. Nor am I the jealous type for the most part. I am a secure woman.
Hello Adam, I love your video.
My situation is a little confused, I’m confused. I met this guy 20 year ago, at the time we met he was getting out from the army and I met him thru her sister also in the military and I never met the guy face to face, we just talk to chat or phone. When he gets out from the military he did not have a job so he did not want to meet that way jobless. He decided to reenlist because was having a hard time finding a job. so we lost communication when he went to training again. We start talking again 7 years ago off and on cuz, he deploys a lot. he tells all the time he loves and he is in love but he doesn’t want to commit right now cuz the kind of job he does in the military ( deploy a lot for the war going on) he will be retired in two years. I m so confusedly because I wait too long for this guy and sometimes when he is home we don’t talk that much either because he is on the field for training. Should I wait or move on?
First of all, “thank you.” These videos are at least opening my mind again.
I’m 54 (young). I eat healthy, workout and keep relatively busy, both mind and body. I’ve been single for 10 years with one 4 month relationship and many dinner dates.
I’ve recently met a guy, (on Tinder of all places), He super liked me, I checked his age, contacted my friend and sent her his details. Basically trying to get her to date again (she’s in her 60’s). I had no interest in dating him. After 2 days of keeping his attention on the app for my friend and her still not biting, him and I became familiar; messaging till early hours of the morning; messaging first thing in the morning when we’d both had barely 5 hours of sleep. This went on for 4 days till we finally exchanged numbers prior to the dinner date.
Dinner date went as expected apart from it lasting 2 more hours than scheduled. It didn’t phase him even though he had an early morning flight the next day and still had a 50 mile drive to get home.
Next day he left for 2 days. We texted and talked the usual till 1 and 2 in the morning, he flew back, we met again and had a fantastic (yes again) date. The intensity we discovered during those first 2 weeks was so premature in my opinion, but it just happened!
We live a distance from each other and he’s busy and I am but the ache feels so real it’s driving me to distraction. I have baggage with a divorce (fear of letting go), and so does he. However, I pushed him away when he changed a date with me. He gave me too short notice for me to just go and change everything. He did have alternative days to consider, but I just told him no (in so many words).
No contact till yesterday and I have been out and dated other guys during the interim. Now I feel I’ve let him in again and my distractions with him are again evident. Ugh!
I haven’t felt a connection with someone like this (apart from my ex) and find it hard to resist. I’m so not sure what to do. I was the one who broke it off (reluctantly and out of fear). He isn’t being pushy, just asking how I am, sharing small tidbits with me, then sends me the kiss emoji on one of his messages. I won’t react back with the same. Here is how I’m thinking. If he really wants to see me again, he’ll find the strength to muster up the courage to be more direct on asking me right?
Adam, this dating thing in your 50’s sucks lol
I don’t expect a reply but it helped just to get this off my chest, so to speak.
Thank you for all you do.
Mary Jo Bump
What about the i am estranged 3500 miles away guy?
I just got out if the fucker situation.He told me after 3 weeks we were exclusive and not to see no one else.And stupid me believed him completely l was in love with this guy. And as time went on he didn’t want me to tell my family anything about our relationship.Our Family is very close we tell everything to my sisters.And he blew up at me he said that they were not in our relationship.So horbid to talk to my sisters.Then he said he was my only family.Then everything hit the fan and went south.he said. My niece called him and told him to leave me alone.when l went to take a shower she took his phone number without me knowing &ocked his phone number too.Then he calls me all upset that lm not answering his phone calls and texts.l said l didn’t know what he was talking about which l didn’t.untill he told how to unblock his phone number. I had nothing to do with that.Well any way we found out he was after my condo.And my cousin stepped and had him investigated and he wasn’t who he said who he was .He was a scammer.l was 😭.lwas really in love with jerk.my heart was broken.But now l know and still have my condo.!!! Thanks for listening .From a broken Heart 💔
aka Kitty Electra
“Equal opportunity employer” here.. (EXTREMELY picky, & assured every right to be…) – Still, dated all walks in my lifetime, given the pilgrim a chance, yada yada.. AND YET-divorced/ riDICulously single for.. 6yrs now?? As in, almost completely celibate – (not even reMOTEly the goal, am I right ladies?!) OR, whether or not physically involved, wind up w/these *&#!s who ACT completely in love, attentive, even addicted, yet won’t claim, PROclaim (publicly) or commit if their lives depended…😵 Yes, I’m a complex (admittedly looks/chemistry driven – which NEVER happens–yet super deep/creative/ usually quite intelligent!) person, so needless to say who am I most attracted to? (& desperately trying to fall out of ❤️ w/ for about a year now) – the Freedom lovin’ Mind-Effers all the way. ARGHH. I KNOW I deserve better!!! & same goes for some amazing “top shelf” (yet cool, humble) friends.. The choices are seriously slim to none; either that or the 1 in a million sexy/soulful “keepers” always claim bad timing or some crap. W-The-Hell. I’m all ears @ this point, Adam. #runningoutofpatience
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